So this week has been really rough. I mean ROUGH! We have gone from waiting in anticipation to feeling the most discouraged that we have ever felt over the last few days. I've had a few straight days of sobbing late into the night, begging God for relief, begging Him for the open door He promised us, begging to feel His arms wrapped around me and to be able to know without a doubt that I am safe and still loved. Then waking up completely raw with swollen eyes and a broken heart and the day starts and ends as the one the day before. And to top it off, I see my daughter worrying to the point that she's not sleeping and telling me she has tummy aches. This has been so hard on our family....I honestly can't over-exaggerate in my telling of this. We aren't some great family of faith....we are hurting, broken and lonely, desperately needing God to do a miracle in and for our family. If this were the end of the story, we'd all close the book, go into the closet and hang ourselves. How depressing! Well, I may not know what the end of our story is going to look like but I know who has written our story and I HAVE to believe that it's not going to end like this. I HAVE to believe that He's going to come through somehow, even if it's not how I hope or how I thought I heard. Do you know why? Not because of my need to believe but because God made us promises and He has NEVER, EVER broken a promise EVER.....EVER! And when I'm not seeing my faith and circumstances clash, I do know that God loves me and cares about the tiniest details in my life.
Gift #1. Yesterday, after being up late sobbing the night before, I was walking around like a zombie and needless to say had no brain cells left to homeschool. So, after Jim left for his pt Home Depot job, the girls and I decided to walk to the pool instead. It was nice because no one was there so we had the place to ourselves. We had a great time unwinding and swimming when all of the sudden, we noticed the coolest pale blue dragonfly that we had ever seen. He was dipping and diving above the pool and would, here and there, dip low enough to drink off the top of the water and then it was off again. A few minutes later, we saw one that was a sunflower yellow color, doing the same thing. Then a burnt orange colored one. Then a purple one. Then a red one. Then a pair of green ones. Pretty soon we were more enthralled with the rainbow colored parade of dragonflies than we were of swimming. Watching them dart across the water, some w/a double set of wings, dipping and diving, taking little sips and then taking off again. It was so incredibly amazing and special and even in my brain fog, I felt like those dragonflies were meant just for us.
Gift #2. Today, after Jim left for work again, the girls and I walked a short walk to Whole Foods. The nice thing about this rental is it's in a very quiet neighborhood AND it's within walking distance to Whole Foods, Costco, the library and a bunch of other things. Bordering our neighborhood and between us and the shopping center is a narrow wooded area w/lots of trails. We took one of the trails that cut over to Whole Foods and as we were walking, a movement caught my eye and we stopped. Just to our left, not 10 feet away was a doe and her fawn feeding off of the forest foliage (try saying that five times fast)! She watched us while we watched her and the baby and after a few minutes she ushered the fawn off and we completed our journey to Whole Foods, jabbering the whole way about how amazing that was to see them so close to us. We were used to seeing them in Colorado but we've never lost our awe and appreciation for these gentle creatures. All 3 of us marveled at how God brought them just for us to enjoy and appreciate and decided that God had given us two, much needed gifts, when we needed them the most.
I realized tonight that, just like these 2 gifts God gave us, we may not see God do everything we want when we want Him to (or even how we want Him to) but He WILL come through when we need it the most. We'd so appreciate your prayers as we continue in this journey.
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