Sometimes I wish that every day was Sunday and that every day I could have that same experience that I have in church....the one of being in God's presence where every single worry, fear, anxious thought and frustration is wiped away. I am completely at peace and not distracted and I'm reminded for about 1+ hours of who God is, how big He is and that I don't need to worry about anything because He is with me. But I suppose that would be the spiritual equivalent of living in a bubble, never having an opportunity for those weaknesses and struggles to become strengths and triumphs and character to deepen and grow. Oh how I LONG to be in a place of experiencing His Presence again, the way I did while I was waiting to hear about my diagnosis and even for a time after. How I LONG for Heaven! No more tears or fears, no more supplements, no strict/rigid diets, no disappearing friends. Just His constant presence.
I don't know how it happened but somewhere in the midst of doing all of the "tasks" of research and purging my house, changing my diet, preparing for surgery, etc., the "feeling" went away. I know that it's not Him who went away, it was me, spinning and spitting as I went into default mode. The trouble, with default mode, is that you get things done without engaging your mind or your intentions. I have no doubt that God is allowing all of these things to come to the surface. He wants me to really learn about trusting that He is with me ALWAYS. He wants me to seek His Presence in my every day life and He wants me to really KNOW that it's okay to be weak because He is strong. I don't have to be strong all of the time because He will take care of me and when I need to be strong, He wants it to be with His strength, not mine. Problem is, I don't want to learn these things....not really. I don't want to go through more growing pains. But everything on my plate right now is completely and totally overwhelming and my strength is not yet back. And I'm so tired. I'm tired of the number of supplements I need to take 3 times a day and I'm tired of coming up w/fresh recipes that we can all eat. I'm already tired, and it's only been 1 week, of the new elimination diet my Dr. wants me to go on for the next 30 to 90 days (so that's MORE foods to eliminate and less to work with). And I'm tired of being tired but feeling like I HAVE to have energy. Of feeling discouraged but feeling like I HAVE to be positive all the time. Of feeling alone but feeling like I HAVE to have faith. Of feeling weak but feeling like I HAVE to be strong. Thank God that He loves me and that even though I can't feel it right now, He is holding me in the palm of His hand.
Rather than continuing to go on and try and find some nice, neat little bow to tie this all in, I'm just going to leave you with my devotional from today. "I AM WITH YOU AND FOR YOU. You face nothing alone - nothing! When you feel anxious, know that you are focusing on the visible world and leaving Me out of the picture. The remedy is simple: Fix your eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. Verbalize your trust in Me, the Living One who sees you always. I will get you safely through this day and all your days. But you can find Me only in the present. Each day is a precious gift from My Father. How ridiculous to grasp for future gifts when today's is set before you! Receive today's gift gratefully, unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths. As you savor this gift, you find Me." (Jesus Calling)
Friday, February 3, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Weakness
It's been a while since I've last updated so before I get into something I'm learning, I wanted to update you all on what's been going on in my life over the last month. In addition to switching my family over to organic foods, and keeping up w/all of the vitamins and supplements, I've been switching out all of my household and personal products. I have been absolutely amazed at how much of my home environment has been rich with cancer causing chemicals. And I'm talking about nice Bath and body products and Victoria Secret products and some expensive shampoos and conditioners! I have thrown out about 5+ boxes worth of products that have things like anti-freeze in them! At the beginning of this journey, I really was amazed that I had gotten cancer...now, I'm surprised it didn't show up sooner! It is unbelievable what these companies put into these products! I encourage you, if this is something you're interested in, to go to http://www.ewg.org/skindeep/ and/or read the little book called "Shopper's Guide to Healthy Living" by Kathy Loidolt. Both have been extremely helpful for me in helping to start switching my products from chemicals to natural. The website will help you look up your products to see how safe they are and if your product isn't listed, you can look up the ingredients. The book is an easy read and shows you how to step by step start replacing your products. Both are very helpful if you're interested in a cleaner, less-chemical environment.
I also had my 30 day re-eval with my N.D. (Naturopathic Doc.) and the good news is that EVERYTHING that tested weak before tested strong this time! Yay God! It was an affirmation that I'm on the right track. There were a couple of vitamins that I didn't even need this time, although all of the main ones I'll need to continue for some time, to keep my body headed on the right track. He even commented that "wow, your body really responds well when it has the right nutrients." Thank you, God, for that. While I've been able to feel strong on the inside again, my energy level is still not there yet. I've had to remind myself that it's only been 2 months since my surgery. So much intensity and urgency was packed into such a short time frame that it feels like a year ago. One other praise is that I found an M.D. in the last month who practices functional medicine AND is covered by my insurance company! Yay God! Functional medicine basically looks at root causes of disease and is a code word in the medical world for wholistic. Integrative medicine is another code word for the same thing, in case you're looking for a doctor who actually looks at the root cause instead of treating the symptoms. Cancer is a symptom that my body has broken down and isn't working properly. Treating the symptom of cancer isn't going to keep the cancer from coming back but treating the root causes will. I met with him this past Monday and he is wonderful. He's also a Christian, which is a bonus for me. He spent almost 2 hours with me, just talking through symptoms and documenting history. The bad news is, in addition to my eliminating sugar, dairy, red meat and gluten, I have to (on a trial basis) eliminate corn, plain yogurt, eggs, citrus and nightshades (tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, potatoes). This past month has been so difficult with making all of the changes that I've already made, combined w/low energy levels, to now add these changes in has been really difficult and led to a very emotionally charged week. I broke down Tuesday night, just sobbing with Jim that I can't do it all and that I can't keep up. Thank God for a supportive, loving husband who told me that he has my back and WE'LL get through this together! I feel so positive about this M.D. that we're going to really get the care that I need but the exhaustion in doing all of these things WHILE doing all of the every day stuff felt so overwhelming to me. I never had any idea of how HARD it would be to get my body healthy again! I assumed that because I was feeling better, things would be easy but that has not been the case AT ALL! And all of this has brought out some issues for me that I really thought I had dealt with and gotten over a long time ago. That has not turned out to be the case. That God, what a kidder. In His infinite wisdom, He is already using this cancer to help me deal with my fear of being "weak" and putting the perfectionism that I had thought was dead and buried, front and center to wrestle with and heal from. And that brings me to the things I've been learning.
I want to share part of my devotional from a few days ago from Jesus Calling. She says, "IT'S ALL RIGHT TO BE HUMAN." At the end, the devotional concludes with "Your weakness and woundedness are the openings through which the Light of the knowledge of My Glory shines forth. My strength and power show themselves most effective in your weakness." I have really been wrestling with this over the past month or so. In fact, part of why I haven't posted is that I've been so worn out from all of the things I'm trying to "do." Why do I feel it necessary to do all and be all? Why is being weak (or admitting it) so negative in our culture and why do we expect each other to be strong all of the time when that clearly is NOT what God expects? We are NOT MEANT TO BE PERFECT here on earth so why do we continually try to be? I can't help but think that this is part of Satan's little ploy to try and keep us so busy that we have no time for God. he's (smaller caps intended) always been the counterfeit to the real, one TRUE God so I suppose that the useless and frustrating cycle of trying to be perfect in a fallen world shouldn't be so shockingly unfulfilling and unattainable. Why do I, knowing all of this, still allow myself to get sucked into this crazy, frustrating cycle of "try harder, do more, fail miserably"? I think my answer was found in yesterday's devotional (done today because I was so worn out yesterday). I think I still have this ill-conceived notion that problems need to be solved and we need to have a happy ending. I just forget that they all WILL be solved and there will be a happy ending but NOT YET. "GIVE UP THE ILLUSION that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties." (Isn't that the truth?!) "This is a false hope! As I told My disciples, in the world you will have trouble. Link your hope not to problem solving in this life but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in heaven. Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, pour your energy into seeking Me: the Perfect One. It is possible to enjoy Me and glorify Me in the midst of adverse circumstances. In fact, My Light shines most brightly through believers who trust Me in the dark. That kind of trust is supernatural: a production of My indwelling Spirit. When things seem all wrong, trust Me anyway. I am much less interested in right circumstances than in right responses to whatever comes your way." (Jesus Calling)
Wow - can you feel the conviction I'm feeling right now? It all goes back to those little "interruptions" from God, doesn't it? C.S. Lewis said, "The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is, of course, that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day.” I have been, essentially, fighting the real life that God has sent me and viewed them as interruptions of what I feel I have to do. No wonder I'm so exhausted and worn out! Without even realizing it, I've been fighting against what God has sent me instead of rolling with the "real".
Please pray for me that I'll figure out how to roll with the "real" instead of looking at them as interruptions. Pray that I'll learn to be at peace with being weak & acknowledging my weaknesses so God can be strong in and through my life. If you're actually reading this, then you are a part of my journey and I'm so thankful for you. Thank you for being a part of my journey to healing.
I also had my 30 day re-eval with my N.D. (Naturopathic Doc.) and the good news is that EVERYTHING that tested weak before tested strong this time! Yay God! It was an affirmation that I'm on the right track. There were a couple of vitamins that I didn't even need this time, although all of the main ones I'll need to continue for some time, to keep my body headed on the right track. He even commented that "wow, your body really responds well when it has the right nutrients." Thank you, God, for that. While I've been able to feel strong on the inside again, my energy level is still not there yet. I've had to remind myself that it's only been 2 months since my surgery. So much intensity and urgency was packed into such a short time frame that it feels like a year ago. One other praise is that I found an M.D. in the last month who practices functional medicine AND is covered by my insurance company! Yay God! Functional medicine basically looks at root causes of disease and is a code word in the medical world for wholistic. Integrative medicine is another code word for the same thing, in case you're looking for a doctor who actually looks at the root cause instead of treating the symptoms. Cancer is a symptom that my body has broken down and isn't working properly. Treating the symptom of cancer isn't going to keep the cancer from coming back but treating the root causes will. I met with him this past Monday and he is wonderful. He's also a Christian, which is a bonus for me. He spent almost 2 hours with me, just talking through symptoms and documenting history. The bad news is, in addition to my eliminating sugar, dairy, red meat and gluten, I have to (on a trial basis) eliminate corn, plain yogurt, eggs, citrus and nightshades (tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, potatoes). This past month has been so difficult with making all of the changes that I've already made, combined w/low energy levels, to now add these changes in has been really difficult and led to a very emotionally charged week. I broke down Tuesday night, just sobbing with Jim that I can't do it all and that I can't keep up. Thank God for a supportive, loving husband who told me that he has my back and WE'LL get through this together! I feel so positive about this M.D. that we're going to really get the care that I need but the exhaustion in doing all of these things WHILE doing all of the every day stuff felt so overwhelming to me. I never had any idea of how HARD it would be to get my body healthy again! I assumed that because I was feeling better, things would be easy but that has not been the case AT ALL! And all of this has brought out some issues for me that I really thought I had dealt with and gotten over a long time ago. That has not turned out to be the case. That God, what a kidder. In His infinite wisdom, He is already using this cancer to help me deal with my fear of being "weak" and putting the perfectionism that I had thought was dead and buried, front and center to wrestle with and heal from. And that brings me to the things I've been learning.
I want to share part of my devotional from a few days ago from Jesus Calling. She says, "IT'S ALL RIGHT TO BE HUMAN." At the end, the devotional concludes with "Your weakness and woundedness are the openings through which the Light of the knowledge of My Glory shines forth. My strength and power show themselves most effective in your weakness." I have really been wrestling with this over the past month or so. In fact, part of why I haven't posted is that I've been so worn out from all of the things I'm trying to "do." Why do I feel it necessary to do all and be all? Why is being weak (or admitting it) so negative in our culture and why do we expect each other to be strong all of the time when that clearly is NOT what God expects? We are NOT MEANT TO BE PERFECT here on earth so why do we continually try to be? I can't help but think that this is part of Satan's little ploy to try and keep us so busy that we have no time for God. he's (smaller caps intended) always been the counterfeit to the real, one TRUE God so I suppose that the useless and frustrating cycle of trying to be perfect in a fallen world shouldn't be so shockingly unfulfilling and unattainable. Why do I, knowing all of this, still allow myself to get sucked into this crazy, frustrating cycle of "try harder, do more, fail miserably"? I think my answer was found in yesterday's devotional (done today because I was so worn out yesterday). I think I still have this ill-conceived notion that problems need to be solved and we need to have a happy ending. I just forget that they all WILL be solved and there will be a happy ending but NOT YET. "GIVE UP THE ILLUSION that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties." (Isn't that the truth?!) "This is a false hope! As I told My disciples, in the world you will have trouble. Link your hope not to problem solving in this life but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in heaven. Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, pour your energy into seeking Me: the Perfect One. It is possible to enjoy Me and glorify Me in the midst of adverse circumstances. In fact, My Light shines most brightly through believers who trust Me in the dark. That kind of trust is supernatural: a production of My indwelling Spirit. When things seem all wrong, trust Me anyway. I am much less interested in right circumstances than in right responses to whatever comes your way." (Jesus Calling)
Wow - can you feel the conviction I'm feeling right now? It all goes back to those little "interruptions" from God, doesn't it? C.S. Lewis said, "The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is, of course, that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day.” I have been, essentially, fighting the real life that God has sent me and viewed them as interruptions of what I feel I have to do. No wonder I'm so exhausted and worn out! Without even realizing it, I've been fighting against what God has sent me instead of rolling with the "real".
Please pray for me that I'll figure out how to roll with the "real" instead of looking at them as interruptions. Pray that I'll learn to be at peace with being weak & acknowledging my weaknesses so God can be strong in and through my life. If you're actually reading this, then you are a part of my journey and I'm so thankful for you. Thank you for being a part of my journey to healing.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Yahweh, Faithful God
This has been a rough week for us topped off by a sucker punch tonight with a separate situation. The enemy has been hard at work on our family, attacking every front. The temptation has been to give into bitterness and anger and frustration but God reminded me again that He is SO FAITHFUL. He prompted me, after a ton of prayer, to go back to my notes from Sunday's incredible time of worship. We had 2 of the most incredible harvest moons on Friday and Saturday night. I remember being struck by the beauty and the steadiness of those moons shining into the darkness and wondering if all of the busy people racing around noticed that, even through the moon, God is trying to get our attention. That all of creation is CRYING out to us that God is here, He is steady, He is magnificent, He is majestic and that He loves us with an everlasting love! Do you know that He is WAITING for you to come to Him, to cast your cares upon Him and let Him carry you through whatever storm you're going through?! He WILL be your defender. He WILL be your provider. He WILL be your healer. He holds it ALL in His hands....every last teeny, tiny detail.
This past week our church celebrated how God brought us through one of the darkest days that no church should ever go through. A gunman entered our campus, shot multiple people, including a father and 2 young girls from one family. Both girls died. Our church never thought that they would survive that as 13 months prior their lead pastor was involved in a scandal. How does a church survive not one but TWO devastating losses in such a short time? Jim and I were at a different church at that time but unbeknownst to us, God had begun to knit our hearts w/this church. After the scandal broke, one of the worship leaders, in a time of grief, wrote one of the most incredible songs I've ever heard, called "Overcome." The lyrics go like this:
"Seated above, enthroned in the Father's love
Destined to die, poured out for all mankind
God's only son perfect and spotless one
He never sinned but suffered as if He did
All authority, every victory is Yours
All authority, every victory is Yours
Savior, worthy of honor and glory
Worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever
Awesome and great is Your name, You overcame
Power in hand
Speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out
Light in this broken land
We will overcome
By the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony
Everyone overcome"
After the shootings, this song became the turning point for this church and they CLUNG to the promises that God gave them. He WAS and IS faithful and our church is healed and thriving....yes, thriving! All because God is FAITHFUL!!!
I never knew the story behind that song until later but it became an anthem for me personally not only for each trial that we began to face but the ones in the past. When we were exhausted from trying to get our house ready to sell, while it took seemingly forever to sell, when we were exhausted from moving and no one came to help, when our church went through a horrific scandal, while we were healing from lies & betrayals, when we got our match from China and wondered how would we complete it....oh the list went on and on. And after God joined our hearts w/our new church, how He would bring this song over and over again to let us know that we WOULD overcome because He had brought our new church through horrific events. If He could do that, He could accomplish anything.
There's something about having suffered loss and betrayals and having God bring good out of it and to be with others who have suffered and triumphed....it's the most incredible type of worship for God that you can ever imagine! Sunday as we sang "Overcome", I was overcome by the incredible depth of God's faithfulness in our church and in our family. I sobbed tears of joy as I sang, so incredibly thankful to be one of God's children and SO thankful that He has helped us overcome so much!
This may have been a rough night and rough week but God is faithful! He will be our defender, provider and our healer. So as I see it, "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." (Romans 8:31-37)
Here was my devotional today. "REST IN ME, MY CHILD, forgetting about the worries of the world. Focus on Me - Emmanuel - and let My living Presence envelop you in Peace. Tune in to My eternal security, for I am the same yesterday, today, and forever. If you live on the surface of life by focusing on ever-changing phenomena, you will find yourself echoing the words of Solomon: "Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!" Living in collaboration with Me is the way to instill meaning into your days. Begin each day alone with Me, so that you can experience the reality of My Presence. As you spend time with Me, the way before you opens up step by step. Arise from the stillness of our communion, and gradually begin your journey through the day. Hold My hand in deliberate dependence on Me, and I will smooth out the path before you." (Jesus Calling)
God is no different today than He was before time began. He loves me and He loves you and He is faithful. I know who holds me. Who's holding you?
This past week our church celebrated how God brought us through one of the darkest days that no church should ever go through. A gunman entered our campus, shot multiple people, including a father and 2 young girls from one family. Both girls died. Our church never thought that they would survive that as 13 months prior their lead pastor was involved in a scandal. How does a church survive not one but TWO devastating losses in such a short time? Jim and I were at a different church at that time but unbeknownst to us, God had begun to knit our hearts w/this church. After the scandal broke, one of the worship leaders, in a time of grief, wrote one of the most incredible songs I've ever heard, called "Overcome." The lyrics go like this:
"Seated above, enthroned in the Father's love
Destined to die, poured out for all mankind
God's only son perfect and spotless one
He never sinned but suffered as if He did
All authority, every victory is Yours
All authority, every victory is Yours
Savior, worthy of honor and glory
Worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever
Awesome and great is Your name, You overcame
Power in hand
Speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out
Light in this broken land
We will overcome
By the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony
Everyone overcome"
After the shootings, this song became the turning point for this church and they CLUNG to the promises that God gave them. He WAS and IS faithful and our church is healed and thriving....yes, thriving! All because God is FAITHFUL!!!
I never knew the story behind that song until later but it became an anthem for me personally not only for each trial that we began to face but the ones in the past. When we were exhausted from trying to get our house ready to sell, while it took seemingly forever to sell, when we were exhausted from moving and no one came to help, when our church went through a horrific scandal, while we were healing from lies & betrayals, when we got our match from China and wondered how would we complete it....oh the list went on and on. And after God joined our hearts w/our new church, how He would bring this song over and over again to let us know that we WOULD overcome because He had brought our new church through horrific events. If He could do that, He could accomplish anything.
There's something about having suffered loss and betrayals and having God bring good out of it and to be with others who have suffered and triumphed....it's the most incredible type of worship for God that you can ever imagine! Sunday as we sang "Overcome", I was overcome by the incredible depth of God's faithfulness in our church and in our family. I sobbed tears of joy as I sang, so incredibly thankful to be one of God's children and SO thankful that He has helped us overcome so much!
This may have been a rough night and rough week but God is faithful! He will be our defender, provider and our healer. So as I see it, "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." (Romans 8:31-37)
Here was my devotional today. "REST IN ME, MY CHILD, forgetting about the worries of the world. Focus on Me - Emmanuel - and let My living Presence envelop you in Peace. Tune in to My eternal security, for I am the same yesterday, today, and forever. If you live on the surface of life by focusing on ever-changing phenomena, you will find yourself echoing the words of Solomon: "Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!" Living in collaboration with Me is the way to instill meaning into your days. Begin each day alone with Me, so that you can experience the reality of My Presence. As you spend time with Me, the way before you opens up step by step. Arise from the stillness of our communion, and gradually begin your journey through the day. Hold My hand in deliberate dependence on Me, and I will smooth out the path before you." (Jesus Calling)
God is no different today than He was before time began. He loves me and He loves you and He is faithful. I know who holds me. Who's holding you?
Friday, December 9, 2011
Life out on a limb
Gosh, I love God's timing! I've read my devotional a few times today just chuckling to myself and wondering how He does it. How does He ALWAYS know just what we need when we need it?! Well, yes, He is THE God of the universe so I suppose that makes sense but just think about the details. How, with billions of people on the planet, does He inspire someone to write something that hits someone else PERFECTLY on the day or days they happen to read it? And that's just me...what about all of the other people that read this book on perfect days and times specific to them? How DOES He do it?
Well, here's today's devotional and tell me how perfect this is, "BE WILLING to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe. Let Me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on Me, you can walk along perilous paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to Me, My sovereign presence protects you wherever you go." (Jesus Calling) I KNOW!!!! As I've been getting closer to this appt. w/Dr. Frahm, I've been starting to feel like we're at a new crossroads. I can turn back to the conventional or I need to really move forward w/the alternative treatments. Or at a deeper level, will I follow God out on what feels like a very precarious little limb and go against conventional medicine or do I disobey and stick w/what feels safer but maybe really isn't because God isn't in it (in my case)? I think we'll be sticking with where God wants us. We might be hanging on for dear life, but I'd much rather be right in the middle of His will for me than anywhere else.
Today was another busy day. We had Jasmine's IEP meeting for preschool today, which I had to leave early to head over to my appt. Dr. Frahm. So his role will be this, to get my body back into balance so that it can do what it was meant to do. If we don't correct why I got cancer, then it will come back no matter what I do. So he tested a number of areas and recommended quite a few supplements for the next 30 days. We'll meet back up after that and he'll retest and see where I'm at. Not surprisingly my liver, colon, thyroid, stomach, ovaries and my adrenals were all pretty out of wack (I'm sure it's a medical term). Step 1. I'm continuing to pray for an MD or DO who can do bloodwork and monitor my tumor markers.
Thank you all for your continued encouragement and prayers on our behalf. Praise God for His Presence and His interruptions that lead us through the most amazing adventures.
Well, here's today's devotional and tell me how perfect this is, "BE WILLING to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe. Let Me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on Me, you can walk along perilous paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to Me, My sovereign presence protects you wherever you go." (Jesus Calling) I KNOW!!!! As I've been getting closer to this appt. w/Dr. Frahm, I've been starting to feel like we're at a new crossroads. I can turn back to the conventional or I need to really move forward w/the alternative treatments. Or at a deeper level, will I follow God out on what feels like a very precarious little limb and go against conventional medicine or do I disobey and stick w/what feels safer but maybe really isn't because God isn't in it (in my case)? I think we'll be sticking with where God wants us. We might be hanging on for dear life, but I'd much rather be right in the middle of His will for me than anywhere else.
Today was another busy day. We had Jasmine's IEP meeting for preschool today, which I had to leave early to head over to my appt. Dr. Frahm. So his role will be this, to get my body back into balance so that it can do what it was meant to do. If we don't correct why I got cancer, then it will come back no matter what I do. So he tested a number of areas and recommended quite a few supplements for the next 30 days. We'll meet back up after that and he'll retest and see where I'm at. Not surprisingly my liver, colon, thyroid, stomach, ovaries and my adrenals were all pretty out of wack (I'm sure it's a medical term). Step 1. I'm continuing to pray for an MD or DO who can do bloodwork and monitor my tumor markers.
Thank you all for your continued encouragement and prayers on our behalf. Praise God for His Presence and His interruptions that lead us through the most amazing adventures.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Narrowed perceptions
Oh, had I only gotten in my quiet time yesterday! Perhaps then I wouldn't have felt so discouraged as I did, focusing on the small things instead of focusing on the largeness and hugeness (yup, they're words now) of God. "I AM WITH YOU IN ALL THAT YOU DO, even in the most menial task. I am always aware of you, concerned with every detail of your life. Nothing escapes My notice - not even the number of hairs on your head. However, your awareness of My Presence falters and flickers; as a result, your life experience feels fragmented. When your focus is broad enough to include Me in your thoughts, you feel safe and complete. When your perception narrows so that problems or details fill your consciousness, you feel empty and incomplete. Learn to look steadily at Me in all your moments and all your circumstances. Though the world is unstable and in flux, you can experience continuity through your uninterrupted awareness of My Presence. Fix your gaze on what is unseen, even as the visible world parades before your eyes." (Jesus Calling)
I forgot yesterday that God is in and loves the tiniest details of our lives...that includes how I'm going to get things done, cooking, cleaning, saving for a blender, etc. When I cried out to Him yesterday, He totally came through. I was able to get some organic gf pumpkin flaxseed pancakes made for the next few days as well as a huge bowl of organic salad, as well as several smoothies. Then I got to work on my laundry as well as do some de-cluttering of my kitchen, cleaned 1 of the bathrooms, in between which I shuttled Lily back and forth to school and did a couple errands. Last night after some yummy organic fish taco leftovers, after baths and the girls went to bed, we mostly finished our Christmas decorating. God sure does have unendless energy, doesn't He?! He comes through when we call. I loved it when my devotional said, "I AM WITH YOU IN ALL THAT YOU DO, even in the most menial task." That was so true yesterday. God is so good!
The latest update with my search for the right person or people is that I'm meeting with a Dr. Frahm tomorrow morning. He's written a number of books (2 of which I've been reading) and recently came out w/a book called "The Breast Cancer Pattern." He's local, a naturopathic doctor as well as master herbalist and He's a christian to boot! Please pray for wisdom and discernment as I meet w/him tomorrow. His specialty is working w/cancer patients so even though insurance doesn't cover him, he may be exactly what we're looking and praying for....someone with a plan!
And, for those of you praying for me yesterday, thank you so much! Not only did your prayers make a difference but they really helped get me through a tough day. AND I even sold 1 of my craigslist items! Yay God!
For those of you looking for a way to help us, now is the time! My journey is not over yet, even though I've chosen not to do chemo or radiation. My body is still healing from surgery and so my strength varies from day to day, especially considering the added stress I'm dealing with. We could use help w/meals, cleaning, or even childcare for a date night here and there. There is a link to the left of this blog to a meal site - you can get further instructions/information there. Enter "Young" and the password "8788" and it should pop you to our info. Thank you so much for walking through this journey with us!
I forgot yesterday that God is in and loves the tiniest details of our lives...that includes how I'm going to get things done, cooking, cleaning, saving for a blender, etc. When I cried out to Him yesterday, He totally came through. I was able to get some organic gf pumpkin flaxseed pancakes made for the next few days as well as a huge bowl of organic salad, as well as several smoothies. Then I got to work on my laundry as well as do some de-cluttering of my kitchen, cleaned 1 of the bathrooms, in between which I shuttled Lily back and forth to school and did a couple errands. Last night after some yummy organic fish taco leftovers, after baths and the girls went to bed, we mostly finished our Christmas decorating. God sure does have unendless energy, doesn't He?! He comes through when we call. I loved it when my devotional said, "I AM WITH YOU IN ALL THAT YOU DO, even in the most menial task." That was so true yesterday. God is so good!
The latest update with my search for the right person or people is that I'm meeting with a Dr. Frahm tomorrow morning. He's written a number of books (2 of which I've been reading) and recently came out w/a book called "The Breast Cancer Pattern." He's local, a naturopathic doctor as well as master herbalist and He's a christian to boot! Please pray for wisdom and discernment as I meet w/him tomorrow. His specialty is working w/cancer patients so even though insurance doesn't cover him, he may be exactly what we're looking and praying for....someone with a plan!
And, for those of you praying for me yesterday, thank you so much! Not only did your prayers make a difference but they really helped get me through a tough day. AND I even sold 1 of my craigslist items! Yay God!
For those of you looking for a way to help us, now is the time! My journey is not over yet, even though I've chosen not to do chemo or radiation. My body is still healing from surgery and so my strength varies from day to day, especially considering the added stress I'm dealing with. We could use help w/meals, cleaning, or even childcare for a date night here and there. There is a link to the left of this blog to a meal site - you can get further instructions/information there. Enter "Young" and the password "8788" and it should pop you to our info. Thank you so much for walking through this journey with us!
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